Desperate Times…

original post 01.07.2012
So, here I sit. In Denver Colorado. For some reason I thought I needed to be here. I was in Ogden Utah, delivered a load and got very sick. Took a day off, that I don’t remember, and several times offered a load coming to Denver. I know better than to come to Denver (especially this time of year) there is never any freight here. It’s kinda the bottomless pit of no loads. With the exception of Budweiser and Coors, and maybe some meat loads if you have a refer, there is no freight here.

After pondering this I thought, well there must be a reason so I took a load to Golden, (Denver area). After my arrival and what loads were available I felt I made a big mistake. This time of year freight is very slow, OK… Slloooooooowwwwww….. so I thought with my prayers going I’m sure to get something going out of this area. The truth of it, I was still sick and really needed a rest. With a low grade fever at this time, (the high one broke into low grade) I should prolly try to get some rest and take advantage of this. End of Friday, I’m feeling better thought I’d start ruffling some feathers try and get a load. Load offerings came back zilch or loads leaving out Monday. OK, this is not good. Take some Meds and go to bed and get some rest.

Saturday Morning, Man I gotta get rolling cause it’s gunna snow. Still no loads. I thought about it even more and prayed about it even harder. Why am I here??? Later in the day a notice for a load. Perfect load, picking up in Golden (hey that’s where I’m at) going to Tucson… Oh Boy. It’s starting to snow. Snowing bad to the south heavy storm rolling thru New Mexico, and to the West. Right as I was looking at the load a bit closer maybe I can skirt around this mess. I70 closed… heavy snow/wrecks and big mess…

I thought, back in the day I would just go for it, throw iron (put on chains) and roll. But I’m older with a sever back injury can’t even lift a bag of chains much less put them on this Big Rig… I started to panic, felt depressed. I’m old and Broken… Then it hit me… how can I be anything but Perfect and this is why I’m here… Ya see, God doesn’t always do things they way we think they should be done. But when ya get it… Look Out! So this is a Story, I know you thought all that stuff above was the story, well haha… This is a story that brought me to this thought… Up to and including the depression I just experienced… Go make some herb tea, coffee, what ever…

I was about 14 or 15 when we moved to the small town of Newbury Park, California. Back then it was a small community just outside Thousand Oaks, California. This is where it really all started for me. I mean, there were times I cherished in Simi Valley and Reno, and Foster Homes and other run away adventures, but this was a new start. It was like a Garden of Eden for me. Rolling Hills, Green and Cool Places to explore. Besides Meeting most of my friends and my life long Brother here. This was the place where it would all change… Or so it seemed. Well it did. Sure it was weird here and there but my life changed. I could have been many things in life but what I am is because of this little town and the friends I made there…

The first person I met in Newbury Park was this kat Geno. I was staying with a friend of my Mothers (no more foster homes for me) but I had more freedom, had a job and was kick’n it cruiz’n thru high school. It was much easier going to school and staying in a house than sleeping in cars or boiler rooms to keep warm. I remember the first time I went over to Geno’s house. There was this picture he drew of a truck going down Cajon Pass, Breaks smoke’n and they guy in the cab with a balloon caption saying “Whoaaa, son of a bitch!” LoL! Geno’s dad was a Trucker. He had a stroke and wasn’t driving and was as mean as they come. One of my fonder memories is Geno’s dad telling Geno to get this fat son of a bitch kid out of his house! Hahahaha… Geno just barked (no really he barked) at him, and his mom told him to leave us alone and we went off into his room. It was then I met the Black Beauty. A Genuine Black Les Paul Guitar… She was very purdy. At this time Geno had this major crush on this girl (who is now a very good friend with two grown boys that are awesome)… Erika. He wrote a song about her and it was then I thought, I need to be writing more songs. So I went and wrote a song about the girl I had a crush on that lived down the street. I never played it for here and I’ll be danged if I can remember her name…. Hmmm, Oh that’s right… She told me to go to hell when I asked her out… I guess I was scared… hahahahaha…. I was pretty much a dufus when I was young. Only had a few friends and all of them tried hard to make me not such a dufus. I thank God for these friends. Sometimes I think I was destine to be a dufus till my Junior year of High School. I was then a Hero. There were two kids fighting and a school bus driver tried to break it up and he punched in the nads and went down. I went to his aid and found super human strength and kicked the live’n shit out of both of the senior boys… Although I did not feel like a bad ass I was not messed with ever again and got a certain respect from most at the school from then on… Weird…

Anyway, Geno was the one who got me to jump off the cliff at la brancha. We did some things at the apartments with some m80’s too, can’t really remember but scared the hell out of me and who ever got the brunt of that prank. (ok there was no blood or pain, just WoW!) Then there was Rick Small. Binky as he is known now. Still a true friend. We were really High (I can say that now right?) and listening to Jimmy Hendrix very loud. The neighbor kicked to door open and yelled, well I can’t remember who had the bull whip but one of us stood up and said “can I help you as the bull whip unfurled. Well needless to say he exited and told the guy that owned the condo and I was once again homeless. But that’s ok. I found other places… A few years went by, We moved to Thousand Oaks (I think we went back to Reno for a year or two) But I found myself meeting all kinds of cool people. I spent a lot of time at the Sigona’s. A most memorable time and a huge growth in spirit for me. God Bless the Sigona Family, they truly kept me from becoming a Criminal… hahaha. I met My Brother Mark in this time. Mark to me was like a Genius Muscian, and a super funny guy. I wanted to play just like him, I really looked up to Mark… Some how we hooked up and did a lil playin together went four wheel’n and camping in the desert with a bunch of other friends. But he was in a few bands and I was a jam which I truly to this day think had those jams not have happened I may have put down the guitar. He showed me things that could be done with a guitar. Most of all he taught me not to be afraid of it. Just go with the feeling… This was Perfect…

As I sit here in Denver, I think about those days. Some I cry about some I laugh (uncontrollably) and think about the earlier days of my driving Career. I could go anywhere anytime with anything. I was truly one of the baddest truckers on the road. I was the Hammer. In fact I think there was a book written but I can’t swear to it. To this day, roll by a truck stop and call out for the Hammer, and the radio will light up. Granted most of what I did was by any days standard stupid, but I made some money, ok a lot of money, and ran more miles in a year than one could do in twice that time.

But now, I have turned down a load because I am no physically able. With a broken back and other stuff I started to feel old and Broken. The depression started to seep in. A Broken old dude with a broken heart… Snow never stopped me before… and the call of tugging on heart strings that seem to never go away. Is that lonely? I can’t seem to shake the dark sad that was overcoming my self. I know I can do this, I know I can love and have at least a girlfriend. What kind of man doesn’t at least have a GIRLFRIEND! What a Loser… Then it hit me… Wait wait wait… Alone, I am with you. I am, I thought… then it hit me. I can’t be broken. I was made in the image of God and he made me perfect. So great, I’m perfectly broken… Heh, then I started to laugh and weep at the same time. I am… Be Still and know I am God, and my body came to life… I am perfectly perfect and if I can’t lift a bag of chains then there will be someone who needs to lift that bag. And being stuck here with the snow is not the reason, the reason is that I realize I am. Like all my friends, they are all perfect and have been there just the way god wanted them to be for me to become who I am. I am… God is healing me in more ways than I can imagine and someday I’ll bet I’ll be able to lift that bag of chains but not until I learn a few more things. I was thinking desperate thoughts because I was not rolling making money. Well, my good and perfect friends… Only confusion and despair can come from desperate thought.

True Friends are forever and will never leave your side. I was reading 1st Samuel today and learned a lesson of Friendship. And I’ll share this with you now…

David and Jonathan maintained a friendship that stood strong. Johnathan would have been king had Saul not been rejected by God for his disobedience. David would logically have been Jonathan’s rival. Despite Saul’s many attacks against David, Jonathan remained true to their friendship. Protecting David from his fathers wrath and repeated plots to kill him. David in turn remained loyal not only to Jonathan but also to King Saul. Not attempting to assume the throne before the Lord had delivered it to him.

I read this and realized I have friends like this. Loyal and true loving friends. What does this have to do with being stuck in Denver you ask. Well, it may have been a lifetime before I truly realized the value of the friendships I have and have had. The truth of the words that come as comfort when I am at despair. I know this and praise God for this… I could have been alone… 🙂 not only do I have Jesus in my heart at all times… I have my friends…. I accept this blessing in the name of Jesus Christ, and thank God for the many blessings upon me.

Stay blessed my friends… Know God, Know Peace…

A Reluctant Musician I am sometimes… The Music of God is Forever flowing thru me…. With all my heart I will play this song… With Love…

Peace…

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