If I Had A Hammer

Pete Seeger concert photo b&w

Pete Seeger concert photo b&w

If I had a hammer I’d hammer in the morning
I’d hammer in the evening
All over this land…

I’d hammer out danger,
I’d hammer out a warning,
I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.

A most famous song performed by Peter, Paul and Mary in the 60’s… the verse I think that really hit me was:

It’s the hammer of Justice,
It’s the bell of Freedom,
It’s the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,
All over this land.

This song written by Pete Seeger and Lee Hays In 1949… Peter, Paul and Mary changed it a bit in 1963, but still the same premiss.  The Love we have between our Brother and our Sisters.  Not just in this country but on this planet… All over this Land!  This song is what came to mind with an experience had with new and old found friends…  Names are with held for privacy but I’ll use names… Maybe real maybe not.. that’s just how I roll…

As many things do, I am amazed…  The one thing, the thread we all share is humanity.  Even the most hard of heart has a place in his/her heart for something that is dear.   As a cancer commando, I am aware of the many things in this system that keep many from receiving the care that may save that life.  Like me, there are the folks that have been on that road and have found there are other ways…  But sadly, these too have a cost.  As a Physically challenged person dealing with pain on levels some days, I can’t even speak and needing money to nourish my body so it can heal.  Looking for a job as someone that is in constant pain and working to fight back the growths in this body is an exercise in futility but the battle roars on.  I choose to smile and be a happy man, this is also “how I roll”…  Sometimes it’s tough but without fail, everyday there comes a laugh, and somehow a guitar or something of music winds up on me and there’s the smile.  Pain and suffering still there but, beat back by the Grace Of God.  It has to be God.  Nothing else in the verse has this power…  Then he gives me friends, because these friends bring many smiles… WoW!

Friends, I have many… I cherish this more than gold.  Just when I’m down and have literally told myself I’m done, I surrender, please take me, why are you making me suffer so, do I really have a purpose?  I’m sorry, Please!!!   Then, there’s a hand, a word, that hammer comes with ever so light a touch to my heart.  A friend reaching out not in pity, not in sadness but with power, hey man, wassup!  It seems there is a faith that can over come. This faith in God and in the energy of a friend, all can be overcome.

I received a call last week from a friend from many years ago.  His little brother told him I was in town and gave him my number.  It was awesome to talk with my friend Jerry.  He gave me some news that touched my heart in a way that cannot be weighed.  He said, “remember when we used to sit down and you would teach me guitar” (40 years ago)… I said, Hey yeah!  he said, “well, I’m still playin every day and I owe it all to you, and I just wanted to thank you”…   Wow!  I’ve always said, I’m here for a reason, if for nothing else but to play a song that maybe just one person would hear and it would help him/her on the path to spiritual awareness the path to God.  Jerry is in a group to sings to the spirit of God and he taught his Son to play!  I was … I can’t even explain it and of course there was much emotion (ok I cried, I’m not really a sissy, I’m just an emotional dude so back off!  hahahah)  This to me, was a great thing…  How do you tell someone you may have sparked it and a lil push but he did all the work… I am but a humble Musician…

Official seal of City of Thousand Oaks

Official seal of City of Thousand Oaks

Then not a week later I’m on the great social network thing called facebook.  I’m a member of a group that is comprised of folks that either grew up or know someone that grew up in Thousand Oaks California (I Grew Up in Thousand Oaks, and then some).  What a great lil community this is.    I lived there back in the 60’s and 70’s.  I’m making new friends and we all get to know each other or re-kindle friendships.  As I do, I tend to share (maybe a bit to much) so there are no misunderstandings and also there’s the NO PITY rule.  So I’ve made some awesome friends and the banter runs a muck at times but if nobody takes it personal all is well.  Well, I made this friend, let’s just call him Jeff T.  (LoL!)  this last big 400+ million dollar jackpot, Mr Jeff T. bought a ticked and offered to share it with everyone in the group but you had to agree to terms.  The one that got me and just set me back, 10 mill had to go to Stevo (that’s me) to get medical treatment for this Cancer and to move to Nashville (which is my dream to get back to Nashville and play, play till I make it to the Opry)  Well, I gotta tell ya, this was a gesture that was to me beyond what the money was all about and everyone, know me or not was all in, I was blown away.  It was that Brother on Brother reaching out to help, and in communicating with Mr Jeff, this was what it was.  Was a genuine true spirit.  (and yes I wept, get off my back! lol)

So, If I had a hammer, and I could hammer out the love between my brothers and my sisters… I would indeed do that… most of all, I think I’m grateful to my Lord God for keeping me sane.  Even though I think I’m being tortured sometimes, It’s this body on this planet… My spirit is pain free, healthy and full of life, thanks to God, for Friends old and new  that I’ve been blessed with, and I keep on smile’n…

Y’all Be Cool… Give thanks, and pay attention… It’s what we are here for…

Peace…

Some Things Never Change, but, Some Things Do…

Ya know, I’ve said this a thousand times but I think I really get what I’m saying.  Some things never change… the visions and memories of your life, never change, (unless you are delusional)  those times will be always in the moment.  I don’t know, maybe it’s the way my mind works.  Writing music always puts me in the moment,  for instance Sunset, (yes I’ve posted this tune before but maybe there’s a few new folks that haven’t heard this)  🙂  When I wrote this song, I was in the back yard of a very cool house I lived in with friends in Reno NV.  It was sunset and I was in deep thought, (as I usually am) about a girl I know, then I started thinking of friends and family and life in general.  This is where this song was born, in the things that never change,  Unconditional Love, Cherished memories, Christmas, Calendars and Eggnog…

These things never change, the love and memories.  It’s what makes us who we are, well that and Cheerios…   So what does change, well, there are many things that change, the seasons, the color of my hair when I turned 50 and only getting better!   Car styles… But the true heart never changes.  When one is lonely or scared, where does one go… Back in time to look for happy place, secure, more pleasant times, for sanity.  I was talking with a dear friend on the phone this evening (yes I know, I don’t like phones but for loved ones, I make an exception), I admire this girl very much and is always awesome to be in touch, it brought to mind the things that have manifested in my time.  I’ve truly been blessed and am grateful for this.

Thank you friends for being the awesomeness that you are.  Thanks to God for these blessings…

I have much to say really but my mind is all over the place and for once I’m going to spare you (the reader) this madness of whimsical, but funny, nonsense.  Well I think it’s funny and that’s really all that matters, as I sit here and giggle… 🙂   Good night my many friends.  Take a moment and think of a time where you were whole and free, let this madness that is going on in our world go for a minute or two.  Turn off the TV’s and Computers and take a walk, in a park, on a path in the foothills, anywhere!  Take a breath of that Love and then spread it around a bit.  I think we could use a fresh perspective.

Who knows, it could be contagious…

Peace and Love to you…  Be Well…

stevo…

Whoa! Hold Your Horses!

Traditional Chinese Medicine

Traditional Chinese Medicine (Photo credit: Keith.Fulton)

Ok, this has nothing to do with horses.  Figure of speech, Stop!  in previous posts I’ve mentioned the several types of Cancers I have.  I also have mentioned the use of herbs and foods to combat this Cancer.  Well, today I was schooled in a big way.  I met and was treated by a Dr. of Chinese Medicine.  Not just an acupuncturist, not an herbololgist, but a Dr and Ph.D of Chinese Medicine.  TCM is the acronym (Traditional Chinese Medicine).  I know I know, what now Stevo, well, I’m about to share all of this and more.

So, it’s already been said, “I’ve been Schooled”.   While I was on the search for Thunder God Vine
as I’ve found a few other herbs to help nourish my body to heal.  So now I have some ammo but how do I use it.  Ya gotta know how to load the darn thing if your gonna shoot it…  I was talking with the Herb Lady at Lassen’s, she guided me to the Chinese Medicine Office down the street.  Well, I gotta tell ya, this Dr was very, very good.  First of all, with all my other ailments she first wanted to know about my pain.  I was like Pain?  I have Cancer forget the pain.  Well, if the pain can be addressed in the  body first, the body can exercise, more natural adrenaline, the immune system is boosted and then the body can fight and win.  Of course this is  all in a nutshell. Spoke with Dr Chen for over an hour on the location of my pain before she treated me.  A pretty
good outline on Chinese Medicine is Here on Wiki, and a pretty cool read.  Dr Yong Ping Chen is probably One of the coolest Dr.’s I’ve ever met.  She was very thorough and very patient.  I felt very comfortable.

Back to the reason I even went there in the first place, to see if I could get info on dose amounts for these herbs.  There are tons of webpages and sites telling you about a fruit or herb that will make you thin and or kills cancer, BUT, if you can find a site to advise you on dosage or quantity, good luck, but I’ve only been on the serious search for about 9 months…  Every Herb I mentioned she warned, yes these in high doses can kill cancer, however (I mean however!),  but THEY CAN BE TOXIC IN HIGH DOSES AND WILL USE YOUR OWN BODY TO POISON YOU…  It slapped me in the face like a brick.  Everything I’d ever head, learned, studied!  How could I’ve left out the concept (word) BALANCE… Balance Balance Balance!

Now, rather than beat myself up, now that I realize the wholeness of what needs to happen, I’m on this!  With the Body/Mind/Spirit Balanced you can do anything.  There are so many variables with cancer and even more with the Human Body.  Everyone of us have a distinct design, our DNA can be similar but we are very very different in many ways.  From Wikipedia: The human body is the entire structure of a human organism, and consists of a head, neck, torso, two arms and two legs. By the time the human reaches adulthood, the body consists of close to 100 trillion cells,[1] the basic unit of life.[2] These cells are organised biologically to eventually form the whole body. With only 100 different types of cancer cells, doesn’t sound so staggering…

100 trillion!

Point.  Not any “body” is the same, as there are many types of treatment for the same cell, it’s your body balance that makes it different.  The difference could be miniscule or substantial.   The statement “don’t give it power of you” is probably the most important but not to overcome any balance.  Here’s where I have the problem.  If you are weak at heart might wanna skip to the next paragraph (heh, I know tempting huh)…  I panic,  and if you’ve ever stood in front of a toilet and watched Grape Juice colored urine flow out the end of your penis, and then, a quarter sized blood clot flops out, well, that shit ain’t supposed to happen.  So you’re standing thinking, well, I guess I have a problem, or like me, “Shit, It’s Back!…  Now I’m in panic mode, I’ve forgotten everything I learned while practicing Whole body Health, Tai Chi, Kung Fu or even younger Kenpo and Shotokan… Anything I’ve learned from friends and Loved ones.  Balance, clam the mind so it can flow with the spirit, the mind and spirit can only meet the body when they are in tune…  If you try to do anything, mentally/physical or Spiritual with out complete balance/harmony, you will spiral back to the beginning, maybe further, wondering what the hell happened.   The panic overtook me to the point I felt desperate. For some reason being told I have tumors on both Kidneys, Liver, Bladder and prostate, then one blood test later, let’s add Leukemia   to the mix,  SNAP!  Oh and lets pile forcing myself  to be homeless because I didn’t want to be a burden… I wonder where that ever came from?  I think I’ll address that later in my sleep…

Grabbing at anything I thought would bring an end to this madness led me to the present state of calm.  In looking for a way to use these “Cancer SuperFoods: I spoke with the Herb Lady at Lassen’s, Oh, here we are back at Lassen’s, Hmm, yes…  There is so much if you try to tackle it all at one time.  Just like the body, gradual changes can only occur naturally with any benefit.  Example, I once was in outstanding shape, a pretty healthy dude.  I then created an environment for things to happen in my body that aren’t so healthy for a long life on this planet.  This happened gradually, slowly over time it took it’s toll.  So there can be no quick fix, actually, there are no real quick fixes for anything, right?  (ok, maybe a finger in the Dyke, but that’s only temporary)…

English: A Yin-Yang symbol transformed into He...

English: A Yin-Yang symbol transformed into Heaven and Earth, with the Chinese characters for each. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it is considered that Heaven is Yang and Earth is Yin, so that is how they are represented here. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Acupuncture, I had a treatment today and it reduced my pain by over 50 to 70%.   I am set for my second treatment on Friday.  As soon as I can exercise and get my body moving, this is the focus of treatment.  However, when I mentioned Diet and herbs, she told me to concentrate on whole foods.  No red meat, fish is good.  no dairy (at all) water, green tea and green veggies.   When I eat let the body know this is ok for healing and good.  Stay away from eating till I’m full.  Let the body work itself and this is the start.  There is much more.  I’m also seeing a Naturapathic Doctor in Santa Monica.  Making informed and guided decisions are key at this point.  Both Doctors are trusted so I’m on this path.  Both are about balance and letting the body work to heal.  God made this amazing self righting machine to function well always if properly maintained and fueled.  Prayer, (part of the balance) will be the glue that keeps me focused.  Putting myself in panic mode is not healthy, nor will it get the healing done!

So, with all that has happened in the last week.  Reuniting with Family, Friends, Home, I have taken my own advise.  I stand barefoot in the cool grass, both morning and evening.  This is where I pray, this is where I gather balance and thoughts for the day.  I pray that you all take a moment and gather your Balance, Talk with God, give thanks for another day on planet earth and guide us to a better way, until we go home… Not to some strange mystical place or a feared Judgment.  Home…  If you have read this because you have or know someone that has Cancer, or you follow these rambling words.  Take a moment to be the one that stands true, prevent panic (you are a Hero).  What ever treatment you choose will be your choice and your balance.  I hope it is a more natural approach, however, there is no right or wrong way.  Most Cancer treatments today include a diet geared toward keeping the Immune System geared up for what ever treatment… really think about it and do your homework, and find your balance.  With what I’ve learned in the last few days, even the most harmless of herb, done in concentrations to kill cancer (because it can), it’s no different than doing Chemical Chemo Treatments.  Sometimes this may be necessary, I would opt for a natural option than a chemical.  But that’s just me.  You all are in my prayers and with enough of that maybe we can fix the whole deal.

Alright, God Bless & Stay Safe…

Peace…

SunCross

yinyang

Another One Rides The Bus…

Greyhound, Black and White

Greyhound, Black and White (Photo credit: djupp)

Wow Wow Wow!!!  Yes, I rode the bus and I’m hear to tell ya, it’s not like when I was a kid fo sho!  Ok the last time I rode a bus was a bus to Fort Ord, California.  Before that I was a Kid if 14 taking a bus from New Mexico to Cali.  Well, back then you got Sandwiches and drinks, on Continental Trailways… Well not anymore.  It seems that Greyhound is the only dog in town now for cross country transportation?  And they make sure you know it!

Greyhound Bus Company.  Yes, the one that made it somehow.  The driver was way cool but very strict.  If you for some reason even slide a little from his rules, Yer Off The Bus!!!   Heh, but not being able to move like I did when I a kid and carry a cane to keep from goin down, I get some privileged seating… and talked with the driver all the way to LA,  very cool, indeed…

The riding of the buss is not the fun part.  It’s hanging out in the bus station.  Believe it or not, it was more sane at the Los Angeles bus station than the station in Las Vegas.  LoL!  Ok, not funny but I didn’t know what else to do.  I was sitting there, minding my own, then there was a scuffle in the girls bathroom.  Security goes jammin on in and drag out a couple of Drag Queens.   Well, I guess the two Drag Queens (men) decided to use the girls bathroom and decided to make a big deal with an actual woman for using that bathroom.  Well, Transgender I can understand.  They’re now anatomically correct.  but dudes in dresses don’t count and the police agreed so off to the station they went… But not before they made a huge Drag Queen Deal out of it… WoW!!!  And that was when it was still light.  I was there for another 6 hours and in that time (night time) it was interesting, to say the least.  Between the Drooling and the sudden outbursts for what ever reason, everything else was fairly normal.  Up to and including losing one of my bags.  I watched the dude put it on the bus, but somehow, between the non stop trip, it’s MIA!   hahahaha…

Oh and by the way, even when you watch them put your bags on the bus, they will still vanish!!!  Amazing!!!  other than that it was a pretty cool ride.  The Bus Driver on the first leg, met a kat on the bus coming from LA to Oxnard was pretty good convo.  So, just that you are aware or even care, my personal advise, if your going to travel.  Drive yourself or take a train when you can.  To Date, the Train, is my favorite mode of transportation… Very nice… 🙂

So Now I am in Ventura area.  Camarillo, Oxnard, Moorpark…  More on that story later…

Till then….

Peace…

.

I’ll Be Back…

Greetings and Salutations!

Well, it’s that time… As a homeless person in this great land of ours I must take a break and relocate.  Ya know, I type these stories as if I’m talking to you on a personal level.  That’s because that’s how I deal with life, it’s personal.  (in a good way of course!)  I’ve stated on more than one occasion, my faith and my relationship with God.  With that said, I must say, “in this great land of ours” as a homeless person I can have a facebook page and a blog.  I communicate what and when, I think I would like to communicate with great affection, “This is not a bad thing”…  Yes it can be a drag sometimes when it gets cold, (or way hot) where do I get my mail, where will I get my next meal.  I am a total failure at Pan Handling.  Not only am I terrible at it, I usually give away what I’ve gotten… Well, a very close and dear friend of mine set it in my mind, and it set well, as it is a friend who has been a spiritual mentor to me for most of my life.  He Baptized me, he keeps strong in his faith, like a lighthouse in the fog he has always been there and always will be..  “Let go and Let God”   His wife Also a friend of many years is a pinnacle of faith, both friends for over 40 years… This is truly a friendship, Truly a gift from God…  He always has a grip on me, Praise God…. Amen…

Ok, Back to my point here… It’s time for me to move on.  I’ve been in the shelter of my Brother Chris and his Aunt Francine.  What lovely and generous friends.  I know there is no way to repay but I will keep you in my prayers always!  My brothers Ron and Rob have offered me shelter and a path to health.  With this Cancer fighting to stay in my body I must do battle with strong faith that the divine healer will do his work, so I must feed my body with healthy foods and my brothers have so kindly offered to assist me in this battle.  I can already feel my body healing.  I’m brighter and more alert than I’ve been in a very long time.  I’m moving around and in much less pain than I’ve been in some time.

I’m also making my way to the California coast, as I feel called to do so.  Not only is it a place of much joy in my memories of my youth.  I feel a strong calling to be there.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, Nashville is still my ultimate calling, I will live in Nashville soon.  However, I feel there is something I need to do and it is near the Ocean in the place of my youth…  So this is what I shall do…

There are so many things I need to learn and I know it’s all so I may bring Gods word to those that thirst for his Love, as well as the one that doesn’t know.  There are so many that have either been misled or have no idea about Gods plan for us all in our coming home.   We will return to the Father and we will be surrounded and protected by his love.  OH yeah, Pastor Roland, I’m way long winded… there is no contest.. LoL!  Just ask anyone who reads my stuff… I think it’s the look on their face when they see a post by me… Oh boy, better get a cup of coffee, LoL!  I love it!

This is not a goodbye for a long time.   I have a device that if I’m near a free wifi connection I can still check and comment.  I’m not one for typing out long posts on a small computer device.  My fingers are fat and I don’t txt well… 🙂

One final thing… in my “Dream in a Dream” post I discovered what, Barooch Atahah Adonay means…  My spelling is off only because  I’m hooked on phonics… The spelling is Baruch atah Adonai, and is a basic blessing in Hebrew.  Baruch Atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech Ha’Olam, Sh’hecheyanu, V’Kiyemanu, V’Higianu LaZman HaZeh. Translation: Praised are You, the Eternal One our God, Ruler of the Cosmos, who has kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this moment.  This is something for me to think about.  I’m learning to speak Spanish, I’m think’n Hebrew and Latin would be an awesome thing to do… Ya know they say, learning a new language keeps the mind sharp…  Nothing better than a sharp mind… Hmmm I wonder, I might still be married… Naaaah… LoL!

Brotherhood of the Sound… I’ve added this button and this will be more Faith Based writings of how I feel and follow my faith in playing and writing music, with my Brothers…  That story will be there as well as a song that explains the beginning of my path in faith. Song Title “Tribute”

To those that follow and actually read these ramblings, Thank you… I truly hope somewhere in this mess there is a message for you.  I can tell ya one thing for sure… If you have a Question… all you have to do is ask.  Ask Father God and he will tell you… and all you have to do is listen… Pretty cool stuff.   To be a part of a Musical Praise and Worship Ministry is something I truly aspire to attain.  I truly believe music is yet another way to find truth and the path to the teachings of Jesus Christ…  Keep an ear out for my Brother Ron and I.  He is truly strong in faith and truly an excellent Musician!  With this combo, look out!

Gods Blessings and a safe path to all… I’ll be groovin and takin in what the Good Lord brings me.  I’ll letcha know where I land…

Y’all be cool…

Peace…

Stevo…

PS… Oh, ya know I was thinking in my post “Life and Time fo Stevo & A Time For Thanks”.  There are so many to thank in my life.  someday I will set down and make a list (only cause that’s what I do)…  You all know who you are and I Love you with all my heart.  I would take a bullet for anyone in my life that is my brother or sister.  actually I think I would take a bullet for anyone who was in danger.

But that’s another Story… 🙂

The Life & Times of Stevo… & A Time For Thanks…

I don’t really expect anyone to really read this.  It was more like therapy and just working the brain muscle.  It’s long and unless you have a free spirit and care to mottle thru my life I understand… Pretty much My Life and giving thanks for all my adventures, good and bad…   Peace.
2918 words and a video… hehehe…
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How often do you give thanks?  I mean we all say “Thank You” but is that the same as giving thanks?  Oh the questions that roll thru the mind and a Saturday evening.  I was thinking of my life over the last year.  Incredible!  Just a few months shy of one year ago, I found myself in a position I’m really not used to.  Well, at least those short months ago.  It’s short compared to a lifetime of events good or bad.  Late August of last year I found myself with no Job, Cancer (preventing me from working in my field of work, Transportation), A blown out back and no retirement or savings due to dealing with, said cancer, in the passed.

It seemed like the end of the world.  Well that was nothing compared to what was about to unfold, as I should have known better than to think any Adventure could present itself depending on how I focused my attention.  Somehow I found myself in panic mode and that’s when it all started to tumble down hill.  It seemed to amaze me and there I have no idea how that could be, I know better and I did it anyway.  So I found myself in a real tight place.  I was truly homeless, in the outside, no money, no food no visible means of making either one of those happen…

It’s only now I look back and see how it all worked.  In my life I’ve made so many awesome friends, no more than that, family.  When word was out I was in trouble the calls for assistance rolled in.  Only… I… resisted.  I did not want to become someone’s burden.  Not that I wouldn’t or I haven’t helped a friend in need, food, shelter, a hand up, on many occasions I was there to lend a hand.  For some reason I would not let that happen for me.  So what was it that would keep me from letting my brothers and sisters helping me.  I have been all over this planet, literally, and I’ve seen the good live good and the bad live bad, the folks that just settle for a refrigerator box palace and the ones that just gave up.  In the streets I’ve experienced the blank stare of a man that has just given up hope.  Alcohol, Drugs?  Of course… A Drunk, Alcoholic before misfortune just kept rolling on.  Could this person have changed his future before he wound up against a block wall on skid row in any city/town USA?  Of course… I saw this look too many times.  I was petrified, could I be that man?

When I was a small boy my Mother would tell me of my organic Father.  I’ve never met the man.  All I know is she would tell me he was cruel, alcoholic bastard…  I would ask where he lived and she would tell me, Skid Row… I remember as a teen, I ran away (pretty much have been on my own since) I was thirteen,  I was tired of being beaten by a stepfather that was no different from what my mother said my Father was like.  Brutal beatings…  my best friend was over and I asked him if he wanted to run away with me, he said cool so we both said later!  and I laughed as I walked down the street to the on ramp, with my guitar case in hand and my best friend, and that was it…  I would say that was either 1969 or 70… 1st stop LA.  I had asked a guy that picked us up if he knew where Skid-Row was and he informed me that most big cities have a Skid-Row and only then did I understand the meaning of Skid-Row.

We wound up in Hollywood and I mean to tell ya this was life.   I would be a lire if I said I didn’t find my way into what was called then, the Hippie Scene.  The Love was everywhere and the drugs flowed like water down a clear mountain stream.  LSD, Speed, Weed, Cocaine and just about every other drug that was offered.  And you know a boy sitting in the park playing original music sitting in the park, I met so many cool people.  But then the cruel reality of the “Uncool” came upon my like a freight train.  Turns out I was a very good fighter and even though I had a baby face, at thirteen I was almost 6 ft tall.  Turns Out I could fight pretty darn ok.  let’s just say I held my own.  I figured it’s time to leave this scene, and after almost a month Ace wanted to go home so we parted ways (we are still very close friends today).

Ok, So what the hell do I do know? I’m sure not going home, what home I thought.  At least out here I feel safe and don’t have to worry about someone that is supposed to protect me beat my face in (literally).  I drew my own destiny out here… So I thought, I just wander around a bit.  Hell, Florida sounds good.  So off to the on ramp I went.  It’s strange, back then ya really didn’t have to worry much about who picked you up.  Hell I was picked up in a Rolls by David Janssen, he was pretty cool, and it wasn’t his Rolls and somehow I got the feeling he didn’t ask permission to drive it… You would know him as the star of  the first Fugitive movie.  Nice Kat… Can’t remember the exact convo but I do remember he know what I was up to and tried to talk some sense into me but when the story was out he was cool and gave me a ride almost to palm springs.

I remember it took almost two days to walk from that point to the state line.  Thru the desert at night was freaky, to say the least, I didn’t sleep until I found safety by the river at the Cali Arizona state line.  Much happened on this adventure and if I went thru it piece by piece it would be at least 10,000 words, at this point I’m at 1089, so I’ll spare you the fairly un eventful experiences across this country, however I made it to Clearwater Florida in pretty good time.  Only took a week and a half and there I was.  Showering and washing my cloths at night with the beach showers.  It was cool, a pole sticking up in the middle of the beach with shower heads, it was warm at night, my cloths dried before the sun came up.  Nice…

So there I am sitting on a bench on the boardwalk (or what ever they called it), Playing my guitar and this old dude comes up and sits next to me.  He compliments me on my playing and I notice all the cute girls are saying Good morning George, so I could safely assume his name was George.  He’s puff’n on a fat cigar and just listening to me play and watch the babe’s skating and riding down the walk.  It was a nice morning, not to hot , not all that humid.  After the introductions I had a very cool conversation with George, I do not sensor my blog so I will not get into that except, let’s say, it was a learning experience and use this advise (or not) to this day.  He was also the deciding factor to heading back west.  I spent about a week in Clearwater and met a ton of really cool Kats and Chicks.

Suffice as to say, I made it back west, after being arrested in New Mexico for Vagrancy, at almost 14, and got a bus ticket back to Simi Valley California.  From there it was a few Foster Homes.  Had to bail from the first Home, the guy there smacked me in the head for listening to Burn Down the Mission, Elton John… After sleeping in cars and boiler rooms and a few friends that would keep me safe, I met Julie Sigona.  I’m don’t really remember how I met her but I had a huge crush on her.  Well she was outta my league but her brothers were real cool and her mom and dad took me in.  Mom and Pop Sigona were the coolest and most influential people in my life, even cooler Julie and I are still friends.  Way to long since I’ve seen any of my friends…  I would play handball with Pops and he kicked my ass every time.  There was no mercy and he would make sure I got that exercise I needed.  I had gotten pretty lazy.  The drugs stopped staying with the Sigona’s and there was no contract, the only thing was, if I stay I stay, there was no in and out, on and off the street.  What fun Mom made for her Children and all friends.  We had sparkling apple cider champagne (no alcohol) we would have air guitar and air band contests on Saturday nights, as well as I would play for the gang, along with a few other musician friends, and John (oldest Sigona Son) was a great musician… I loved his style.  I remember every Christmas bringing a half gallon of Egg Nogg and Next years Calendar for Christmas to the doorstep…

Speaking of living life, I got the patriot bug and joined the Army before I got drafted.  I really don’t want to elaborate here, not only is this blog not censored, but I still live the regret of taking human life.  Oh, I’ve delt with God on the matter and am assured I’m forgiven, I think in some way I can ever forgive myself for making the decision to Kill…  To the point of thinking it was, I hesitate to say, let’s just say, I got used to it and could do it again… and sleep well…  Or could I???  I would rather keep that to the side and talk to God personally about that… for now… Peace…

I had a most awesome time growing thru my twenties and what I remember are the songs I played.  My thirties were awesome, went to jail a few times, nothing serious but it was bad enough.  I was so lucky, or what ever you want to call it.  I had my share of bad stuff, drugs, fighting but the bad parts were so minor and it was in a time when men would just shake hands after a brawl or decide to stay out of each others way.  Hell, one of my best friends kicked my ass pretty good, and why wouldn’t I want someone on my side that could kick my ass… 🙂  I took on the road in my late twenties all the way thru till I was 55 and can’t drive anymore.  I’ve been on every major Interstate Hiway, and most US Hi-ways, Canada and Alaska.  From 9 to 21 speeds.  Like the song says, “I’ve been from Tucson to Tucumcari, Tehachapi to Tonapah, I’ve driven every kind of rig that’s ever been made… I’ve driven the back roads so I wouldn’t get weighed, and I’m still, Willin…

With over 4 million miles driven, I’ve had so many adventures and made friends and a few, well not enemies, lets just say we avoid contact.  I’ve made and lost a few dollars Loved and lost, Loved and gained.  Anyway you look at it there are many stories in here.  Fought and won, fought and lost but still I’m alive… I’ll be 56 in 13 days…  I often wonder how I made it this far.  I know I feel every bit of life I’ve lived and if I had it to do over again… Hell No!  You couldn’t pay me enough to go thru that again… hahaha… Seriously, I’ve lived a good life and expect I’ll do the same till it’s time for me to go back home…  I expect I’ll be Play’n this ol guitar too, writing songs about love and life, and maybe only a small circle of friends will ever hear any of these tunes and that’s ok by me.  I was talking with my brother Rob, I said, “If all ever do is drink sweet tea and sit on a porch and the passers by nod and wave, that’s good enough for me.”  But I’ll be Play’n…  Hands are get’n numb, fingers are lock’n up, there’s open tunings I use quite regularly now days.  Pain or not… I’m play’n… My Brother Ron is the same… Hell, he had his hand severed clean off, almost 30 hours of surgery later, hand sown back on, and he’s still a better guitarist than I am on my best day…   But I’ll keep playing and giving thanks…

Thanks to My son Josh for trying, Thanks to his Wife Jenn, My only Daughter, she was most awesome and put up with this old man, thanks to my 2nd wife for rescuing me.  Thanks to my best friend Ace for saving the day and providing me with shelter, his wife Susan for helping me in a difficult time.  One of my Besties, Erica for shelter and food for the time I needed… My good friend Chris and his Aunt Franky (Francine), coming to the rescue big time!… To my Brothers of the Sound & blood, Rob and Ron for taking on this challenge… Hope this works…  Thanks Mom for bringing me into this awesome Life, I’m still having a blast!  Thanks Pat for Loving me so purely and so hard.  I can say there’s not another man on this planet that has been loved so by one so awesome, I still feel the dreams.  And as ol Waylon says, I’ll miss, Dreaming my Dreams, with you, you are the best… and Christine, thanks for loving me and keeping me an honest man, I could fall hard for a girl like you.  I know it sounds weird and please take this with the love it’s meant.  You are the only one that measures up…  Doesn’t matter who’s ready or not… our relationship is perfect.  I know I have another BFF!  (guys can say stupid stuff to girls but I mean that in a way that is from my heart)…  Humble Thanks to God, Thank you for keeping your grip on me.  Don’t think I couldn’t feel that grip keeping me out of so many ditches.  Keeping my head above water and bringing angels to me to show me the way when I was blinded by drugs and attitude.  I’m so grateful for this life you’ve blessed me with so many joys.  With the music you give me, I can only play to the rhythm your glory…  It’s what keeps me whole… Praise God and thank you so much…  Jesus is truly my mentor to your will…  Thank You!!!  Giving thanks is truly saying “Thank You”…  which Brings me to Lean on Me… Oh Yeah… Sing it!!!

Bill Withers – Lean on me
Says Michel Buble but it’s Bill Withers…

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there’s always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on,
for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna need
somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won’t let show.

You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.

Lean on me when you’t not strong, and I’ll be your friend.
I’ll help you carry on, for it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna’ need
somebody to lean on.

You just call on me brother if you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.

If there is a load you have to bear that you can’t carry.
I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load if you just call me.

Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me

God Bless….

Peace…

Stevo…

Dream in a Dream…

Stevo_SanDiego005a

Stevo

Dream in a Dream… But it was so real….  Like a Vision…

I was in a seaboard town working in a restaurant.  I’m pretty sure it was my restaurant. Not necessarily a seafood place, but a nice place just the same. My Daughter Jenn (in my dream she was my Daughter but she was married to my son at one time) came in to ask if we were going to the movies (I say we meaning Jenn, Carley (Granddaughter) Gabriel and Israel (Grandsons)). I told her I will be ready shortly and will meet y’all at the house but go ahead and make up some food for you and the kids.  Jenn then started to put together these beautiful plates and started helping me with the orders coming in.  It seemed like an eternity but was only a few minutes really and I said to Jenn, “you are far better on presentation than a I and if I could pay you enough I’d love to have you here as a Chef.”  She laughed and said, Yeah right dad I gotta feed my chillins, I’ll see you when you get home, Carley is really excited to go to the movies with you.”  I said, “aren’t you going?”  she said “no I have a date.”  I looked at her with that look that dads give and said, “oh really, what’s his name and when will you be home.” then I chuckled, “have a great time I love alone time with my Grand Kids, Thanks Jenn, I’ll be home in a few…

Suddenly I was preparing back up food for the next day and my under chef told me to go home and have fun.  I thought, Yes, fun, fun with my Grandchildren…  I got home and was dog piled by my Grand kids, Jenn was leaving and told the kids to be good for me as she was darting out the door.  Next thing I know we are at the movies and then back home, (I must have been board with the movie) Carley said as I was driving home, “grampa Stevo, I think I’d rather hear one of your stories than go to the movies, that movie was very boring.”  From the back seat Gabriel spouted up and said, “yeah grampa Stevo, please tell us a story.”  I guess I’m some sort of great story teller so I agreed.  We got home made up some pop corn, Carley, Gabe and Izzy were in PJ’s ready for a story.  Carley was under my right arm and the boys (Gabe and Izzy) under my left.

I’ve been many places on this planet, some great some not so great.  I’ve shared my experience with my Grand kids (sometimes I have to key it down a bit) and I guess these are great adventures for them.  Huh, now that I think of it they were all adventures to me as well…  I could see where they would dig these stories.  So off we go!

“So have I ever told ya about the hidden city I found?” Gabe and Carley said at the same time “You found a hidden city?!”  Oh yeah, I was in India.  This was after my Army travels and I saved for a summer and went to India at the end of summer.  “Yes, I was in India, do you know where that is?” Carley said yes! my teacher was showing a map of India and Africa, we have a girl that comes from there. It’s on the other side of the world.”  Yes it is I said.  So, there is a city in India called New Delhi.  I took an air plane and landed there.  You see, I’ve always wanted to check out Bangladesh, it’s not far from New Delhi…

Then everything got hazy, then I found myself in a haze.  Somehow I new I was dreaming and I was about to go into another dream with My Grand kids at my side.  It felt safe so I went with it.  When I came out of the haze I was standing in what seemed like the edge of a great desert.  Hardened sandstone at my feet, the sun was an orange ball in the west, it was huge, darkness was close.  In Khaki 6 pocket shorts and a Khaki shirt I found myself walking in the dark along the desert edge. I saw a glow coming from the side of a rolling part of the sandstone hill, as I approached it got brighter and it seemed to be in a dug out ditch or channel with a flat bottom and straight walls about 8 feet deep and about 12 to 15 feet across.  I jumped down into the carved ditch, realizing I was in really good shape, now I know I’m dreaming.  I thought, I’m in the shape I was in when I was 30, this is cool.

Looking forward about 50 feet there was a door with two torches on either side.  There was a man standing guard. No weapons and didn’t seem all that threatening. As I approached the door the man asked me a question, “Are you sure you want to enter?  In this place you might find what your dreams are made of…”  I thought about it for a minute and suddenly I realized I was dreaming and thought, well, I would love to find what my dreams are made of, and suddenly he was gone and the door was open.  I walked thru the carved opening and found it to be more like daylight and it was  a city carved of the same sandstone that was on the other side of the door.  I then had a voice come up and say “not everyone can see what dreams are made of”… This had no bearing on my curiosity.

I walked on the narrow streets and found there were no people, no living beings occupying the city or could they be hiding?  I came on a door, it looked very strange it didn’t open from from the left or right.  This door opened sliding from top to bottom and was half way open.  If I were to enter I would have to climb over this half opened door.  Standing at the door I looked in, I looked to my left and saw an open area with clear water running down from a place I could not see.  This water seemed to be pouring from a pitcher, or at least that was what the flow of the water looked like.

I stepped over the half opened door and walked toward the water… I pondered this water for a moment and then just stepped in.. The rush of clean clear water running over my body was very exciting, the water was cold and it felt like a crisp waterfall.  As I stood under the water I looked across  the room.  To my total amazement there was a being in a waterfall identical to mine only across the room (about 100 feet).  this being was definitely female, only I could not see her face.  She stood under the water face up to the sky only that was obscured by a bright light, the water ran over her body like milk on marble.  She stood with an arched back almost like standing on the balls of her feet with arms reaching up to the sky as if she were holding a pitcher and pouring the crisp cold water over her.

I felt myself drawn to her (not in a sexual manner).  As if I was floating on air I started in her direction as she did in mine.  I vividly remember the feeling for the refreshing water over my body (I was still clothed in Khaki) it was incredible, as we drew closer the brighter the light was getting making me almost squint my eyes.  The closer we came together I felt more free than I ever have… then she spoke only it was more like in my head, it was very clear, (Dad), I could hear the words but could not make them out, (DaD)…   all of the sudden it felt like we joined with a blast of light as I heard the words (I’m sounding them out), Barooch Atahah Adonay and some other words that were not so distinct, the last thing I felt/heard was, your dreams are from God….  (DAD!)

All of the sudden there was Jenn, her hat on sideways just like I had seen a few days before in a picture and looking like she had a good time (in a good way, come on man, it’s my daughter!)…  Dad you ok, I got the kids to bed and you were talking in your sleep… and I opened my eyes where I was sleeping.  I looked around for Jenn or the Grand kids and realized I was dreaming…

I wrote down the words I heard as I keep an pen and journal right next to my bed, or bed roll, depending where I am, and the highlights to the dream in a dream so as not to forget.  It all was so vivid, so real… sometimes I wonder…  There’s allot less pain there, and damn I look good… 🙂

I feel clean today, I feel this infection in my face going away and I must find out if those are actual words… They could be Klingon for all I know.  The words in my head that My dreams of God have me thinking.  Is there some meaning to this, where do I need to look?  I think I’ll pray on this and see where this takes me.

I must be honest, this could all come from my yearning to own and run a Restaurant, and I was looking on Facebook and saw my Grand kids and Daughter in law, and was missing them something powerful.  As well as I put up “I Love God, and I’m proud to say that”…  However, I believe the truth of dreams from God.  My faith is strong and I have no fear of evil.  That was all washed from me when I surrendered…  It all felt so humble, so clean… Just so real…

Well, think what you will, as I share this because I was inspired to when I finished… Geno Called me when I was almost done and I shared it when him, so I feel I should share this with y’all that choose to read… May it inspire God to Bring Dreams to you in Love…

There will be a song about this fo sho….

Peace…

Stevo…